A letter to you through uncertainty, pain, or grief ...

​Think of this as a letter of support.  Words from my heart to yours, if you may be going through a time of uncertainty, pain, or grief and loss. 

Or through any time of challenge, change and transition, and you feel a little vulnerable, raw, and alone.  

I understand uncertainty.  So deeply within myself.  I feel you.  I see you.  And I acknowledge you in your own experience of whatever this might be, or how this feels for you, right now. I hope something from these words shared may feel supportive for you.  And perhaps in some way, I also write this to myself.  

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We often wait until our struggles pass to feel like we can talk about them, or how we moved through them, to reach the other side. 

To feel that we have something to say that's of value.  That who we are is enough, that our story is valid, that we are only inspiring to someone or even to ourselves, when we've healed or we're all better, or we've transformed in some way. 

We don't like to feel we're a burden, or that our experiences are uncomfortable to hear.  We don't like to take up space with what we're going through, it's scary to say  it just as it really is, to open our hearts, to trust we will be understood and held. 

But what if we were able to. To just talk about our struggles, our pain, our uncertainty, our grief, our loss - not just on the days we feel brighter or uplifted - but on all the days, through the struggle and even the sufffering, whilst we're in it.  To not have to pretend, or hide, or put on a mask before we face the world.  To just show up, in all our vulnerabilty and with courage. 

It's hard to do isn't it.  It can feel raw, like a weeping open wound.  And yet it's in this space, this phase, this time of pain or uncertainty - within it all - that connects us with someone or others, that makes us human and relatable.  And I honestly cannot think of any deeper significance in this world. 

Sometimes I think we have it all around the wrong way.  We look to inspiration ahead, rather than seeing and feeling all the inspiration in all the moments, as they are happening, just right now.  And I see you in these moments, I feel your heart, your courage, and I deeply acknowledge it all as so valuable and significant.  

There is nothing more real than sitting with it, being with it - within it all. And saying to ourselves and to those we trust around us - this hurts, this is hard, I feel uncertain, I feel alone, I feel so much that I want to be understood and held.  And  that feeling when someone leans in and says, 'I'm with you', 'I'll be here with you', and 'I'll stay for as long as it takes'. It's hard to find that deep listening and compassion.  But I can you tell that others, just like you, are feeling the way you are feeling, and their hearts are with yours, saying 'me too'.  

I don't know what it is that you might be going through.  But I do know that right now, you're living and surviving this journey, within it all.  Every small thing you do is an accomplishment and is something to not take lightly.  You may not know now, or when, or if, or how - but the inspiration you seek, is just what you're living, what you're choosing and just how you are, within it all. 

If you were to let go of any expectation of what may come, or how you feel you should or must be, or do.  How would that feel, and would that ease your pain  a little, and would that in any way feel supportive to you. 

Perhaps if you were to think of healing in a way that just feels true for you - no one else - just you, in this moment.  To find and even create your own definition of what this means.  Would this feel empowering in some way for you.  You may even begin to see yourself as I do, as a beautiful woven tapestry of all the ways you keep leaning in, and showing up, and just being you.  All of you - the glorious, messy and wonderful parts of your being - just as you.    

And when you say how you feel, right in the moment, within it all, someone else might be saying, or just whispering to themselves, 'me too'.  I know they are, because I've been that person, and in some ways, I am that person still, too.  

We feel inspired by stories of recovery or healing.  It's as if we must return to some sense of wholeness or completeness before we can be acceptable amongst the world again.  We hear and take in stories of healing and transformation.  We see someone shining on the other side.   Perhaps it's because deep in our core, we all love a beautiful fairy tale, we love a happy ending.  We feel most comfortable when there is closure or some kind of inspiration as our hope to hold onto.    

But something that inspires me the most, is what you're living with and going through, right now.  In the midst of your uncertainty, pain, suffering - whatever that is or however that might feel for you - I see you, I hear you, I undestand you, and I deeply acknowledge you.  Within in all.  I see and feel how each day you choose to keep carrying on, you choose compassion over pain and fear, and every day you choose this over and over again.  It may feel exhausting, and yet, you still carry on choosing light through dark, seeking joy through sorrow, feeling love through heart ache and pain.  You may think to yourself that it's fragility or it's too vulnerable, or even weak, and yet, all I see and feel, is your strength.  And it's more than beautiful to me.  

I've often questioned healing and transformation. I've questioned if we place so much emphasis on the recovery, rather than honouring the whole journey. 

Through grief, I honestly can't tell you that there's a certain path to healing.  I don't think through grief we are ever truly broken, but I know we deeply feel that way.  I don't know if a heart ever heals and returns to the way it was, as whole.  I don't know if we transform through grief, I just think we honour whatever it is and feels for us.  I don't see grief like a transformational butterfly that suddenly understands the meaning of life through loss, and has new wings to soar.  We lose those we love and we carry this forever.  Loss is love, it's all love.  But it is also deeply changing in every crevice of our heart and aspect of our lives.  And we may never be the same person that we were.  I can't tell you there will be a silver lining, but I can tell you that it gets easier. It gets lighter. We somehow, in the strength of our humanness, have this incredible capacity to carry grief and love as if they co-exist side by side.  I don't see any part of that as fragility, as vulnerability.  I honour it all as deep wisdom and strength.    

Through pain we live with - pain of all kinds, in the holistic way I have truly come to know and undertand this.  Physical, emotions, spirit, heart, soul - pain comes in many forms and expressions and not one is separate to another, we are so intrinsic and beautifully connected.  As human beings, we are all a unique piece of art.  Pain brings uncertainty, and it's not an easy journey to accceptance, to living with what you may live with, and just being with it, within it, in the here and now.  Holding hope and trusting in ways for moving forward.  

I've come to understand and know so deeply that healing doesn't come just by focussing on an end goal, or feeling we must or should reach this better version, or recovered whole version, of ourselves.  Healing comes through every moment of the journey we live, right now. 

You are never broken, you are always whole. You don't need to be fixed or to change or to be any better than you are right now.  Just feeling this, knowing this, allowing yourself to be in this moment, right now, may be the most beautiful gift to yourself.  It may open something, shift something, and most of all, bring a sense of ease and release.  A trust within yourself to let go of needing to be attached to an outcome, and to honour all of yourself, as you are, right now.  There's no focus on limitations or what you can or cannot do.  There's no timeframe or expectation or pressure.  Just a willingness to accept yourself as all of who you are, right now.  Inspirational within it all, this beautiful journey that's changing and expanding and evolving each new day.  You are complete.  Enough. Worthy. Brave.  

In the midst of uncertainty, there may be struggle.  There may also be choices and chances and possibilities for light, for ease, for joy.  Seek and choose ways to capture the light, in all the ways you can.  As the light within and around us, shines a torch on what's truly important, what deeply matters.  It's not the big stuff.  It's all the small things, the present moment awareness, and the precious moments in the every day that mean so much.  Let the rest go.  And lean into your own light.  Allow your whole being to embody and feel empowered by that.    

Life isn't remarkable just when we overcome something.  It's remarkable through it, deep within the journey, in the midst of it. 

Life is remarkable and inspirational because we choose to make it so.  Through and because of it all, we keep saying yes. And when we deeply know this and feel this, and we talk about the struggle, the pain, the feeling of it all - you may never know but someone will be saying or whispering to themselves, 'me too', or 'thank you, this gives me hope, I feel acknowledged, I feel held'.  We need more of this through all these times in our hearts and in our lives.  Amongst us all.  

My hope is for you to not feel discouraged or to hide or pretend.  I hope you wont bury your feelings or stop telling the journey you live within.  Or ever see yourself as any less signifcant if you're not healed or recovered, or there hasn't been that transformation for you.  Because it's all happening, right now, in every moment. I hope you wont compare yourself to another, but you'll listen to yourself and all that's true for you. I hope you will choose to anchor yourself in self belief, awareness, and a deep knowing of all that you are, and just how significant and valuable you are.  

Because what you're living with and through, right now, is the inspiration.  How you live with it, how you're feeling it, how you're still opening yourself up to more.  And there is nothing more beautiful to me than someone who's living through something, in the middle and midst of it all, determined and compassionately loving anyway.  As each day you turn your own pain into support and care for another, you are an example of compassionate leadership and more than ever, we need your humanness and the very real gift of you - just as you.  

And as a human being alongside you, who feels and sees you in this place and space, right now - I thank you.  You encourage me.  You support me.  You inspire me.  And I whisper, 'I understand.  It's been this way for me too'. 

I am here for you. 

With love 
​x Katie  

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PPS. If you'd like support through something in your heart and life right now, or to continue a conversation with me, then send me an email here - 
​https://www.katiejanewellness.com/contact.html

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