The words we say to ourselves, the language we use, the choices we make, the foods we eat, the relationships we have, the ways we choose to practice and lean into what supports us and nourishes us - all of these things, and more, are vital for us to truly appreciate and love ourselves. To feel connected within, to feel self assured and confident in all the ways that are true and right for us.
So often we rely on others for appreciation and love. We rely on others for validation, and we even seek it and believe we'll be more worthy or enough, if others tell us so. And whilst it's a beautiful and uplifting thing, to feel acknowledged and validated by those around us, we cannot be truly content or even happy, if we only rely on others - this external validation - without also knowing ways to really feel and believe this within ourselves. To know how to love and appreciate ourselves, is everything, for our whole wellbeing, and to feel a sense of deep belonging with others, and in life.
So many times our inner critic - that little voice inside our head that's not kind or helpful - can be louder than all the other things that bring us self appreciation and love. We start to listen to this little voice, we start to doubt ourselves, and even put ourselves down, and tell ourselves negative and unhelpful things.
We start to listen to these critical words, inside of listening more deeply to ourselves.
Sometimes the words we say to ourselves can feel more hurtful than any words others might say to us. And we might carry these words from others, from our past - perhaps we've had hurtful words said to us from childhood, from a toxic or abusive relationship, from bullying - so many experiences - and we can even carry these words, and start to believe these hurtful things, and start to say them to ourselves.
Knowing and understanding where our inner critic comes from, doing the inner work to understand these wounds and experiences, can profoundly change how we see ourselves - it can be life changing to work through these life experiences that may hold us back from knowing how to appreciate and love ourselves, and have the self belief and confidence to carry ourselves forward.
We can learn to let go of past experiences and beliefs we hold, and change our own narrative in empowering ways. Often, we think delving into the past can be painful and hard, but as I often say to clients, as a therapist and as a coach - even changing our beliefs around these thoughts can be liberating. As yes, it may feel daunting to unravel our wounds, to go back to the past - but the understanding and freedom that comes from doing this, is just so empowering and life changing - it's worth it, in every single way, for the freedom it brings. It's never hard work when it supports us in every way, to know and believe in ourselves, to feel appreciation and love, that helps us and enriches our lives, moving forward.
So many of us have past experiences or relationships that have deeply influenced how we see ourselves. Our relationship with our parents, our siblings, and the relationship we have with all parts of ourselves, and our own inner child.
Perhaps you had a critical parent, and you never quite felt you lived up to their expectations, and you might carry a belief that you're never enough, or never doing enough, and you might start placing pressures and expecations on yourself, through this childhood experience. We carry all of these things forward in our lives. All our interactions, experiences, relationships with others, and how we are within these - all of this impacts how we are and what we continue to believe within ourselves.
So many things can affect our self esteem. And when we understand and are willing to look at all these things, we can become aware of how we're holding onto experiences, how we are allowing ourselves to still live and be within that experience. With the support of a trusted therapist and coach (like myself) - we can start to be curious and enquire within ourselves -
How is this truly serving me? What are the learned patterns and behaviours here? How has that experience truly impacted and affected me, and my own self esteem?
How it this supporting me? Or how is this holding me back?
And in such an empowering ways - we can then start to create new thoughts, beliefs, and experiences about ourselves, to keep carrying forward in beautiful ways of deep, loving, self appreciation.
We can change the inner voice we listen to, within. We can choose to change the narrative. We can choose be within our emotions and our bodies, and learn ways to truly listen to ourselves. We can choose to listen to other parts of ourselves, and change the way we see and believe ourselves to be. We can start connecting with our own true essence of who we are, and allow this inner knowing to deepen, to become richer, and to become so lovingly louder than any other voice we hear.
This voice of self love and appreciation that is greater than anything.
We find a space and knowing within ourselves where we can say with unwaivering self belief and confidence - I love myself fully and completely.
We let go of the expectations or pressures we might place on ourselves, and accept ourselves and all our imperfections. We start to believe in ourselves, and choose things that feel more positive and optimistic. We start to remind ourselves of all the things we can do, and we take action on these, each day. And we start to truly acknowledge, appreciate and celebrate ourselves.
This is so important for self belief and confidence - to celebrate ourselves. To tell ourselves how well we are doing. To remind ourselves of all the things we can do and are doing. To celebrate every small, but significant change or action we take. Self appreciation and self love grows and deepens when we value ourselves in this way. Just as you might with friends and colleagues - we might easily lift and support others and celebrate others achievements and success - but it's even more important, to do this, for and within ourselves.
To know how to love and appreciate ourselves, is everything, for our whole wellbeing, and to feel a sense of deep belonging with others, and in life.
Perhaps you desire and yearn to feel more calm, connected and confident, within yourself? I would love to support you, and work with you. I know how empowering it feels when we know how to feel self appreciation and self love, and confidence that carries us forward, through everything. If you know you'd love to feel this within yourself, do connect for quality and compassionate support -
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Katie Jane is a Holistic Therapist, Life Coach, Health Coach, Nutritionist, Naturopath, Meditation teacher, writer and author. Katie has been working in the wellness industry for over 15 years, in private practice and online, and brings all of these qualifications and skills, along with her own lived experiences through challenges, changes and transitions. Her approach to life and wellbeing is truly holistic and unique for each individual. She supports and coaches clients to make powerful changes, to feel calm through uncertainty and change, to embrace self care as a way of being, and to thrive through life transitions.